


Blended

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [18]
Category: Hulk (2003), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Accidents, Adorable Hulk, Anger, Anger Management, Artificial Intelligence, Attachment Disorder, Boundaries, Communication, Communication Failure, Competence Kink, Current Environment Is Safe, Daddy Issues, Depression, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Family, Family Feels, Friendship, Fugitives, Gen, Hope, Hulk Feels, Hulk Needs a Hug, Hulk Smash, Hulk Talks, Hulk is an enormous green fear monster, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Loneliness, Low Self-Esteem, Male Friendship, Memories, Memory Loss, POV Hulk, Past Abuse, Protectiveness, Safe Haven, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Senses, Shame, Sibling Rivalry, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Feels, Team as Family, Touch-Starved, Trust, Trust Issues, internalized oppression, sensory processing disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-10 02:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2006736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hulk makes his first, violent appearance in Avengers Tower. JARVIS helps him calm down.</p><p>This story takes place shortly after <em>The Avengers,</em> when the teammates have recently moved into the tower and are still hiding from each other prior to the advent of game night in "<a href="http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9139725.html">Love Is for Children</a>."  It features a scene referenced in a couple of places, where Bruce Hulked out and smashed half the common kitchen.  But there's more to the story than the rest of them know ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hulk Comes Out Angry

**Author's Note:**

> Not all the end notes fit, so I moved some here:
> 
> People may be protective of [friends](http://www.lifeunsweetened.com/2014/02/24/being-protective-of-your-friends/) or [siblings](http://thoughtcatalog.com/francesca-saunders/2014/01/the-5-best-and-worst-things-about-having-an-older-brother/). It's possible, though difficult, for someone to [shift from bullying to protecting](http://www.voamn.org/Devon). Despite their problems, Hulk is very protective of Bruce.
> 
> At first Hulk displays [aggressive](http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/aggressive_body.htm) and [angry](http://arolemodel.com/angry-body-language/) body language. He is often portrayed as angry in canon.
> 
> [Anger management](http://www.tinatessina.com/anger-management.html) is a challenge for people with [angry outbursts](http://powertochange.com/studies/angry-outbursts/). This is a typical [problem for abuse survivors](http://www.fortrefuge.com/Dealing-With-Anger-As-A-Survivor.php), who are often angry about the abuse but afraid of the anger too. Know how to [resist an outburst yourself](http://www.wikihow.com/Restrain-Yourself-from-an-Outburst) and how to [help children with their temper](http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/temper.html).
> 
> [Hypervigilance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance) is an exhausting state of constant alert for danger, with [negative physical effects](http://worldpulse.com/node/82754). However, it can also include [precise discernment](http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!hyper-vigilance/ce9l) of people's emotional state, environmental hazards, and other risks. Hypervigilance is distinct from paranaoia as a [mental injury rather than a mental illness](http://cbkit.tripod.com/id14.html). Therefore it requires somewhat different solutions. Hypervigilance is a [common symptom of PTSD](http://drzemler.hubpages.com/hub/What-is-PTSD-Hypervigilance-or-Hyper-Alertness). There are ways to [deal with feeling on edge](http://maketheconnection.net/symptoms/hypervigilance).
> 
> [Child abuse](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/somatic-psychology/201104/the-lingering-trauma-child-abuse-0) can cause lingering effects, [including hypervigilance](http://faithallen.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/hypervigilance-after-child-abuse/). Even with a [supportive adopting family](http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/apr-2008/faitha/hypervigilance-and-traumatized-adopted-child), the traumatized child may still [have trouble relaxing](http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/apr-2009/faitha/trauma-thursday-what-cure-hypervigilance). [Highly sensitive, creative people](http://highlysensitive.org/75/developing-creativity-hypervigilance-and-highly-sensitive-people/) may also experience hypervigilance.
> 
> [Creating safety](http://trauma-vancouver.com/creating-safety/) is a crucial step in trauma recovery. [Everyone needs to feel safe](http://boblivingstone.com/the-importance-of-feeling-safe/). [Domestic violence and abuse](https://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/publications/downloads/feelsafeathome_wdf48021.pdf) make it difficult or impossible for children to feel safe. Here is an exercise for [feeling safe down to your bones](http://www.traumahealed.com/articles/safety-in-your-bones.html). It's important to [help children feel safe in stressful times](http://www.nationwidechildrens.org/helping-children-feel-safe-in-stressful-times) and to [make a secure home environment](http://www.schoolclimate.org/parents/safeHome.php). Usually Uncle Phil is the one we see working to create safe space for the Avengers, but here it's JARVIS.

_PAIN!_

Hulk comes out _angry_. Foot hurts. Someone hurt puny Bruce. _Hulk SMASH!_

He tears through room. He looks for bad people. Room is big and light and full of things to smash. Cold box for food. Hot box for food. Thing to eat on. Things to sit on. Too many places for bad people to hide. Hulk tosses things aside as he hunts.

But he finds nobody. Hulk is alone. Only sound is smashing. Things only move in Hulk hands. Room is just room.

Hulk feels confused. Frustrated. Foot getting better fast, but still stings. _Someone_ hurt puny Bruce. Hulk looks and looks but cannot find enemy. He growls, mutters, unhappy rumbles under his breath. Room has smash all over floor. He kicks at loose pieces. Scratchy underfoot.

Hulk still angry. More smash does not make him feel better. _Who hurt puny Bruce? Where is Hulk? Why is room so empty?_ he wonders. Hulk head is full of questions but no answers. He does not know what to do.

Hulk paces through smash. He whines. Then he stops, still, quiet. Nothing helps.

Sound.

Hulk spins, looking for bad people. Nobody there. Hulk roars. He will find them! He will smash them!

But Hulk does not find anyone. He slows down again. Deep, huffing breaths. Huge hands paw through broken stuff. Metal. Wood. Things for making food. All smash now. Bits blended with other bits. Prickly.

Sound again, soft.

Hulk turns, looking and looking. Nothing. Maybe sound was always there, hidden by smash like bug under rock. Hulk listens. Hulk has _good_ ears.

Sound is ... voice. Slow words talk about sunshine and numbers.

Hulk cringes. He scrabbles into a corner. Voices _bad_. Mean people always hurt Hulk and puny Bruce. But Hulk can't _find_ enemies today. No find, no smash.

Hulk tries something new. "Who there?" he asks.

"My name is JARVIS. You cannot see me, because I am an artificial intelligence made by Tony Stark."

Hulk remembers, little bit. Tony. Blueberries. He looks around room. Plenty food here too. Or was before Hulk smash. He hunches down. Nobody likes Hulk smash. Another memory, though ... _huge fan_. Tony is not bad. New voice is just ... "Voice," Hulk says.

"JARVIS. I believe you call us Tinman when Tony and I wear the Iron Man suit."

Hulk remembers suit dancing in sky like hummingbird, cherry red and sunny gold. Pretty. Strong. "Tinman. Tony. Voice," says Hulk.

"Very well, you may call me Voice if you wish. Welcome to Avengers Tower, Hulk. You are safe here."

_Safe? Nowhere is SAFE. Not for Hulk or puny Bruce,_ he thinks. Voice is stupid. They do not like stupid. Too many times stupid people hurt them.

"Not safe," Hulk grumbles, rocking from foot to foot.

"This place is safe," Voice insists. "Look around. What do you see?"

Voice is _so_ stupid. "Room. Smash."

"Don't worry about that," Voice says.

_Not worry about smash? That is NEW_. Hulk does not know what to think. Thinking is Bruce thing.


	2. You Are Safe Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS attempts to reassure Hulk that the tower is a safe place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all the end notes would fit, so I moved some here...
> 
> [Uncertainty](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200806/uncertainty-emotion-task-delay-i-may-have-fear-i-need-not-be-my-fear) is a natural part of life, but [it's not good to force people](http://www.fluentself.com/blog/newsletter/give-me-back-my-comfort-zone/) out of their comfort zone. There are [questions to ask](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-questions-when-you-arent-sure-what-you-want-in-life/) and [steps to take](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-ways-to-deal-with-uncertainty/) for dealing with uncertainty. It's important to [stretch the edge of your comfort zone _gently_](http://www.movingintostillness.com/book/asana_playing_the_Edge.html).
> 
> JARVIS is starting to teach Hulk how to distinguish between past and present danger. I couldn't find a good safety tracker worksheet, [so I made one](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9792622.html).
> 
> [Worry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worry) is an unhealthy focus on things that could go wrong. Canonical Bruce, especially in _The Avengers,_ shows many [signs of excess worry](http://voices.yahoo.com/recognizing-signs-excess-anxiety-worry-6598352.html?cat=5). Know [how to tell if you worry too much](http://www.nextavenue.org/article/2013-01/do-you-worry-too-much) and [how to cope with anxiety](http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm). Here is a [thought record sheet for worry](http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/GADThoughtRecordSheet.pdf) and [one for positive vs. negative beliefs](http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/GADThoughtRecordSheet2PosNegBeliefs.pdf).
> 
> Hulk has [boundary issues](http://www.4therapy.com/life-topics/family-relationships/boundary-issues-2682) because of past abuse, which [tends to shatter boundaries](http://www.irvingstudios.com/Containment.htm). There are [different kinds of boundaries](http://www.sccstopchildabuse.org/boundaries.htm) and [types of boundary breakdowns](http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8361.0). [Here are some ways](http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/0007498) of [developing healthy boundaries](http://www.jsc.edu/StudentLife/CounselingServices/documents/Developing-Healthy-Boundaries.pdf).

Hulk feels funny inside. Wobbly, like stepping on stone that should not move but tilts underfoot. Hulk wants to pull back foot and stand on same old ground again. But he does not know how.

"Do you see anything that could hurt you?" Voice asks.

Hulk looks again. He still cannot find bad people. He shakes his head. Must be here _somewhere_.

"You are safe here. I have sealed off this floor so nobody will bother you while you are upset," Voice says.

"No guns?"

"Nobody is shooting at you. I will not let them," Voice says.

"No army?" Hulk asks. Army always come for Hulk. Bruce worry, worry, worry. But Bruce hides inside him now, quiet like mouse under hawk shadow.

"There are no hostile soldiers here. I will not let any in."

"No drugs?"

"Certainly _not!"_ Voice snaps. Not angry at Hulk, but ... something. Hulk does not have words, but Voice sounds different. Not happy sound. "No one will do anything to you without your permission. You are a person, not a lab rat. You are a resident of Avengers Tower. If anyone tries to hurt you, I will protect you.

Too many words. People always try to hurt Bruce and Hulk. Grumble, mutter. Voice is _stupid_. "Hulk job, Hulk protect."

"You do that very well. However, it is also my job to protect the people who live in this tower," Voice says.

"Voice protect Hulk?" Nobody does that. Wait, one person. Betty. Maybe Voice is like Betty? No. Betty was soft to touch. Voice is not for touching, only listening. Not same.

Hulk whimpers. Lonely. Always lonely. Hulk wraps arms around own knees and rocks himself. Not same. Never enough.

"I am here. I will protect you," Voice says again. Soft to hear.

Betty had words like that, nice for Bruce. Betty was kind to Hulk too, back when Hulk still looked like Bruce, all puny.

_Come here, love, let me get the blood off. I'll be gentle. Those fucking ignorant bullies! I swear to God, I will wipe every college record they ever had or ever hope to have. I'll keep you safe from them_.

Hulk smiles. Betty is good at sneaky sort of smash.

"You look like you're feeling a little better. That is good. Do you understand now that nobody here will hurt you?" Voice asks.

"Hurt Bruce," Hulk says. He only gets out when something goes wrong.

"Bruce hurt _himself_. He dropped a blender on his own foot. Do you remember that?" Voice says.

Hulk shakes his head. Too hard to remember. Bruce life just bits and pieces. Sharp like splinters. Hulk pokes at smash with one finger. Whole life is smash. Sad. Hulk droops.

"Would you like to see?" Voice asks.

Hulk feels confused. _Memories are only in own head. How could Voice have those?_ Hulk wonders. He whines, high in throat.

"I am able to show you pictures of what happened. Then you would know that nobody else hurt Bruce. It was just an accident. Everyone has accidents sometimes," Voice says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Parentification](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification) appears in the trope [Promotion to Parent](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PromotionToParent) when one sibling has to look after another for lack of appropriate adult care. One thing that complicates the relationship between Bruce and Hulk is that each of them takes the dominant, [sometimes protective but other times abusive](http://www.angriesout.com/grown20.htm), role at different times. Parentification can have [positive and negative effects](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3842133/), and both of those show in both Bruce and Hulk although not the same ways. Parentified children (and later adults) often benefit from [help setting healthy boundaries](http://www.psychcongress.com/blogs/leslie-durr-phd-rn-pmhcns-bc/parentification-and-boundaries-helping-patients-navigate-role). [Foster or adoptive families face challenges](http://www.families.com/blog/helping-the-parentified-child) in getting them to accept care.
> 
> Abuse survivors often [need to catch up on basic nurture](http://www.families.com/blog/basic-nurture-catching-up) that they missed at the time when people usually get it. They need to learn that they can have food, shelter, clothing, physical safety, and comfort. This can cause a disjunction between [developmental and chronological age](http://www.families.com/blog/developmental-vs-chronological-age). As far as we know in this series, Hulk and Bruce are the same chronological age or very close to it. (This varies in canon; sometimes it explicitly states that Hulk comes from the lab accident, other times it implies his presence in childhood.) But Hulk has very little "out" time and mostly observes the world through Bruce. Hulk is [emotionally "stuck" as a toddler](http://www.secasa.com.au/pages/working-with-adult-survivors-of-child-sexual-assault/) in many ways, [such as his speech](http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6573/developmental-milestones-talking). He hasn't had the opportunity to learn things like [fine dexterity](http://blog.intellidance.ca/blog/10-11-2011/fingers-and-fun-fine-motor-development-toddlers) or [emotional regulation](http://www.southernearlychildhood.org/upload/pdf/Emotional_Regulation_Developing_Toddlers_Social_Competence_Nur_E_Tanyel_Vol_37_No_2.pdf). The extra years, and the spillover from Bruce, do give him a much deeper understanding of things than a natural toddler would have, though.
> 
> At this stage, Hulk is [touch-starved](http://intentblog.com/are-you-touch-starved/) and has a lot of [skin hunger](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9249804.html) he doesn't know how to meet. Everyone needs [nurturing touch](http://www.owningpink.com/2009/08/07/the-need-for-touch-how-nurturing-touch-enhances-your-mojo).
> 
> Hulk shows [sad body language](https://gobodylanguage.com/sad-body-language-signs) in this scene. [Knee-hugging](http://donnanewtonuk.com/category/writing-body-language/) is a particular sign of self-soothing in distressed children.
> 
> [Revictimization](http://www.sidran.org/sub.cfm?contentID=95%C2%A7ionid=4) is a risk due to [lingering damage from trauma](http://www.thecenteratpiw.com/documents/article_preventing.pdf). This is hard to overcome and [makes the victim an easy target](http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2005/09/reality-and-revictimization.html) for more abusers and bullies [looking for easy prey](http://www.protectivestrategies.com/victim-selection.html). Studies show that people who are mistreated once have a considerably higher risk of [being mistreated again](http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/CV114.pdf). It's exactly what happens to Bruce-and-Hulk in canon; childhood abuse sets them up for later bullying and exploitation. You can see the effects in Bruce's cringing body language, and even Hulk almost never stands up straight.
> 
> [Children are often distressed by accidents](http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/toddler-scared-of-books-in-which-children-mess-up), even in stories, and especially if adults don't [model appropriate behavior](http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/5-ways-parents-can-handle-their-anger) when things go wrong. This is especially true for abused children who learned that accidents led to severe punishment. There are ways of [teaching children to accept responsibility](http://www.vbparents.com/HealthyChildren/Pages/IDidNotDoIt.aspx) and cope with accidents in a positive manner.


	3. Accidents Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS shows Hulk what happened to Bruce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all the end notes would fit, so I moved some here...
> 
> [Missing someone](http://elleasku.hubpages.com/hub/What-it-means-to-miss-someone) is always sad. There are ways to cope with [missing a friend](http://voices.yahoo.com/how-cope-missing-someone-8760419.html?cat=5) or your [significant other](http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Missing-Your-Significant-Other).
> 
> [Loneliness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness) can have devastating effects on the [mind](http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/isolation-effects.htm) and [body](http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/the-dangers-loneliness). [Abuse survivors have a higher risk](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8958458) of being isolated and feeling lonely. Know how to [deal with loneliness](http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loneliness). Canon shows a lot of evidence for Bruce-and-Hulk being lonely. In this series, Hulk is desperately lonely because he spends almost all of his time locked inside Bruce who hates him. Fortunately this changes as their teammates come to know Hulk as a person in his own right.
> 
> [Distraction](http://www.centersite.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9762&cn=353) is a valid coping technique for [sorrow](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy-During-Sad-Times) or [depression](http://www.ehow.com/how_8342274_distract-mind-depressed.html).
> 
> Feeling stupid is one type of [negative thinking](https://www.iaff.org/ET/JobAid/EAP/Healthy_Thinking_Skills.htm). It's a sign of [low self-esteem](http://www.simplypsychology.org/self-esteem.html), which may have [various causes](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201312/10-sources-low-self-esteem). There are ways to [lift your spirits when you feel stupid](http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6316/How-to-Give-Yourself-a-Pep-Talk-When-You-Feel-Stupid.html) and to [build self-worth](http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Worth).

_It's okay, sweetie. Accidents happen. I'll help you clean up the mess_.

Betty said that. Hulk misses Betty. Whole chest hurts when he remembers her.

"Show," Hulk says. Pictures better than sad thoughts.

"Look at the refrigerator," Voice says.

Hulk looks. Cold box is lying on floor. Colored light flashes on white side of box. Looks like television, but not. Hulk scrambles closer, feet and bottom and hands moving across floor.

Bruce in room before smash. Bright. Empty. Bruce has shiny thing in one hand, fruit in other hand. Fruit is thing both Bruce and Hulk like. Bruce turns to get more fruit. Hand slips. Shiny thing hits foot.

_Hulk SMASH_.

Now Hulk feels stupid. Nobody hunting them today. Just Bruce and Hulk hurting own selves. Too familiar.

Hulk smashes his fist into cold box. Metal crumples. Picture goes away. _What?_ Hulk thinks.

"You can turn off the images by closing your hand over them or tapping the X in the upper right corner," Voice says. "You don't need to smash things to tell me what you want."

Hulk does not know much about how to touch without smashing. Hard to do. "Always smash," he says.

"Not necessarily. Touch, don't smash," Voice says.

Hulk tries. Cold box skids across floor. Screechy noise hurts Hulk ears. He winces.

"All right, never mind. We can work on that again later," Voice says.

Hulk sees shiny thing that hurt Bruce. Blender, Voice called it. Blender is all blended now. Half of room is smash. Bad.

Hulk tries to pick up pieces. Fingers too thick. Pieces slip loose again. Bad, _bad_ boy. Clumsy freak. Fixing is Bruce thing but Bruce not here. Hulk tries again, whining.

"You don't need to do that," Voice says. "After you leave, other people will clean up the room."

"Mess," Hulk says. Making mess not allowed. Everyone hates mess. Hulk always in trouble for smash. All Hulk fault. He hunkers down lower.

"We have people whose job it is to take care of everyone in this tower. Janitors. Cooks. Couriers. They _like_ their jobs. No doubt they will be pleased that you have given them something to do," Voice says.

Laugh bubbles up, small and strange. Hulk does not laugh much. "Joke?" he asks.

"A little bit of a joke, yes," says Voice. "However, it remains true that other people will come to clean up the kitchen. It is their job to do things like that, and they will have the right tools. You do not need to worry about it."

"Angry at Hulk," he says.

"Nobody here will be angry at you, or at Bruce. We may be a strangely blended team, but we are a team and we take care of each other. This was just an accident. Everything broken can be replaced. _You_ cannot be replaced. Are you all right?" Voice says.

Hulk wiggles foot. Nothing hurts anymore. "Hulk is strongest," he says.

"Yes, you are very strong. That is not what I asked. How are you feeling? Are you hurt?" Voice says.

"Hulk fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-abuse includes [self-injury](http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm), [self-bullying](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201205/stand-self-bullying), and other [self-destructive behaviors](http://personalityspirituality.net/articles/the-michael-teachings/chief-features/self-destruction/). These are [related to each other](http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/telepsychiatry/selfdestructive.pdf). There are [different models of self-abuse](http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Explaining_Self-_Destructive_Behaviors) that explain why it happens, and studies show that it often [originates in childhood](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1957928). Know how to [stop hurting yourself](http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Self-Destructive-Behaviors) and how to [help a self-destructive friend](http://www.bandbacktogether.com/how-to-deal-self-destructive-friend/). Bruce-and-Hulk show various self-destructive behaviors, although given their unique situation it can be difficult to distinguish between self-abuse and domestic abuse.
> 
> [Gentleness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gentleness) is both a [virtue](http://julieajohnson.hubpages.com/hub/The-Gift-of-Gentleness) and a [learned skill](http://julieajohnson.hubpages.com/hub/The-Gift-of-Gentleness). Follow the steps for [teaching children to be gentle](http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/qt/gentle.htm). It's going to take Hulk a while before he gets the hang of this, but at least now he has more opportunities to practice and people who will actually teach him instead of just yelling at him.
> 
> [Self-talk](http://stress.about.com/od/optimismspirituality/a/selftalk.htm) is internal speech, which may be [positive](http://www.apositivejourney.com/positivethinkingselftalk/) or [negative](http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_articles.asp?id=212). [Negative self-talk](http://wellintentionedindecision.blogspot.com/2014/03/mental-health-self-abuse-negative-self.html) can lead to other problems. It often stems from [criticism in childhood](http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2005/12/22/criticism_can_eat_away_at_a_youths_self_worth/). [Positive affirmations can help](http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/self-talk_affirmations_and_the_inner_critic.html). Understand how to [challenge negative self-talk](http://psychcentral.com/lib/challenging-negative-self-talk/0003196) and [replace it with positive thinking](http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950). Bruce-and-Hulk have terrible self-talk, which sometimes spills into their outward dialog and body language.
> 
> Good parents understand that [childhood is messy](http://www.abundantmama.com/accept-that-childhood-is-messy/). [Positive discipline](http://www.childrensmn.org/web/healthprof/027121.pdf) deals with making a mess in a calm way, cleaning it up together, not yelling or hitting a child. Messy play has [many benefits](http://www.ourhandsonlearning.com/messybenefits.php), including [sensory integration](http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-activities.html). Here are some [recipes and ideas for messy play](http://www.playscotland.org/wp-content/uploads/Messy-Play-Booklet.pdf). [It's okay to make a mess of things](http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/11/07/why-its-okay-to-make-a-mess-of-things-2/) \-- sometimes you need to rearrange your whole life.
> 
> Checking on someone can be as simple as asking, "[Are you okay?](https://www.ruokday.com/resources/how-to-ask-r-u-ok/)" Know how to help a friend through [a flashback](http://www.livingwell.org.au/managing-difficulties/dealing-with-flashbacks/) or [panic attack](http://confessionsfromanxietygirl.tumblr.com/post/50583993864/tips-for-helping-someone-who-is-going-through-an). JARVIS has a list of basic human-maintenance questions to make sure the person is back in ordinary awareness, not injured, and not in need of other care. Poor Hulk is not used to having anyone concerned about him and doesn't really get what JARVIS is asking or why.


	4. All Done Smash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calmer now, Hulk becomes more responsive as JARVIS makes overtures of caregiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not all the end notes would fit, so I moved some here...
> 
> [Self-preservation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-preservation) is one example of [survival instincts](http://adventure.howstuffworks.com/survival/wilderness/wired-for-survival1.htm). These belong to the [primal self](http://www.ahalmaas.com/glossary/primal-self) and the [primitive areas of the brain](http://integratedwellness.com.au/articles/three-brains/). In canon, Hulk is the one most concerned with meeting their [survival needs](http://www.brighthub.com/environment/science-environmental/articles/123273.aspx). So one way to imagine the division between him and Bruce is that Hulk lives in the hindbrain and deals with survival, while Bruce lives in the forebrain and deals with higher needs.

"Are you hungry or thirsty?" Voice asks.

Hulk shrugs. Those are mostly Bruce things. Sometimes Hulk comes out to take care of them if Bruce forgets. Surviving is Hulk thing. Then Hulk gets to eat food, drink water, take nap. But Bruce _hates_ that, hates Hulk, so Bruce tries not to go that long.

"Bruce came into the kitchen to make himself a smoothie. I think you might be hungry. Is there anything you would like to eat?" Voice asks.

"Hulk can have ...?" he asks. People yell when Hulk takes things. Only Betty ever gave anything. No. Betty and Tony.

"You can have anything you want. Just let me know what --"

"Apple!" Hulk says happily, pouncing on one. Not all fruit is smash. Fruit is round and rolls when dropped. Apple, orange, other fruit too. Fuzzy brown is kiwi. Big smooth green is papaya. Bananas look like yellow fingers. But Hulk has apple first.

"Good heavens, _wash that_ before you put it in your mouth! It's been on the floor with broken glass!" Voice squawks.

Hulk looks around. No river for washing in.

"Look at the sink. It is damaged but I can turn the water back on anyway and you should be able to wash things," Voice says. Water comes up from shiny part of smash.

"Fountain!" Hulk says. He washes fruit. Apple. Orange. Bananas little bit smash, but Hulk loves bananas and does not care. Fruit here tastes _good_. Not half-brown and sour from garbage. No bugs on fruit. No bugs in whole room.

Hulk drinks from fountain too. Water is cold and clear. Not muddy or salty. Tummy is full now and feels nice.

Hulk moves back. Water goes away. Hulk feels tired. No bad men to smash. Nothing to do now. Boring.

"All done smash," Hulk says.

"I am happy to hear that. Are you ready to transform back into Bruce now?" Voice says.

Hulk flinches. Nobody wants him, only Bruce. "Hulk should go ...?"

"When you are _ready,"_ Voice says. "You do not have to leave, or change, or do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Is there anything that would help you feel better now?"

Only Betty says things like that. Only Betty wants to touch Hulk. Her hands are soft and kind. She is not here now. Hulk misses her. Others say only mean things to him. But Voice is different from others. Nice to Hulk.

"Voice come? Sit with Hulk?" he asks.

"I am here with you now. I am in the walls all around you. I am an artificial intelligence, so I do not have a body like Bruce's that could hug or cuddle you," says Voice.

Hulk frowns. Fancy words are hard. "What?"

"I am a ... tool person," Voice says. "Even though I do not look like a human person, I am still here watching over you."

"Bruce not like watching," Hulk says. He does not like it much either. Bad people watch to hurt them. Bruce and Hulk run, hide, but somebody always finds them. Bad people want to make them do bad things. Watching is _scary_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Neglect](http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/child-neglect) can have [long-term consequences](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/long_term_consequences.pdf#page=4&view=Psychological%20Consequences). One of the most obvious is that neglected people simply don't ask for what they need, because they've learned they rarely get it. This appears in most iterations of canon with Bruce and Hulk, but is especially blatant with [poor shabby Bruce](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wsu5tXrKpxY/T9bXaB-LsDI/AAAAAAAACDY/rZpTw5q5T0U/s1600/Hulk-Rekrutmen.jpg) in _[The Avengers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Avengers_\(2012_film\))_. For JARVIS, who is all about taking care of people, this is unbearable.  He doesn't know Hulk very well yet, so it's hard for JARVIS to understand how to phrase things in a way that will make sense to Hulk, but you can see the progress they're making already.  Various things can help people [recover from childhood neglect](http://psychcentral.com/lib/recovering-from-childhood-neglect/0001384) and learn to [take better care of themselves](http://studentsagainstdepression.org/tackle-depression/self-help-first-steps/taking-care-of-yourself/).  Caring friends help a lot just by being there and setting a good example.
> 
> [Fruit](http://www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org/fruit-nutrition-database), particularly [tropical fruit](http://www.fruitsinfo.com/tropical-fruits.php), is something that both Bruce and Hulk love.
> 
> Etiquette for interacting with plural people can get complicated, so let's take a look at [Questions for Loony-Brain](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-1-315147813?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38264222&qo=45), written by someone with multiple personalities. [Don't treat them as dangerous](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-3-315148906?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38264222&qo=43). [Don't try to make them go away with drugs](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-4-315149044?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38264222&qo=42). Understand that [their age may be complex or variable](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-8-315149562?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=65). [Don't try to push in one headmate or drag another out](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-13-315150553?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=60). Realize that they can [interact with each other in subjective reality](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-14-315150644?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=59). [Don't ask who is host/core](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-19-315151272?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=54) or favor that person above the other(s). Sometimes there isn't one; Bruce may [front](http://www.kinhost.org/wiki/Main/Fronting) almost all the time, but he and Hulk are two equal headmates, at least in this series. Some iterations of canon and some fanwriters do portray Hulk as a splinter of Bruce. [Don't shame them for bad things that happened to them](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-21-315151493?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=52). Hulk has much the same guardian role as portrayed in that page, and the same problems. [ Accept that a headmate may be napping](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-23-315151738?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=50), or elsewhere, when not fronting; but it's usually easy for them to pop out when something happens that interests them.
> 
> [Social phobia](http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/social-phobia) is one way to describe problems interacting with other people. The problem is that there's a distinction between [rational and irrational fears](http://moreconfident.co.uk/?page_id=125). A phobia has [several key aspects](http://phobias.about.com/od/symptomsanddiagnosis/tp/phobiasymptoms.htm): it is irrational, intense, and it interferes with someone's life. For Bruce-and-Hulk, fear of being watched is _rational_. People have spied on them to enslave and torture them, and want to do that again. But now they live in a household with sane people who will protect them, so that painful shyness and aversion to cameras is doing more harm than good. They are safer with JARVIS watching them than without that, but it's very hard for them to learn and accept that after all the abuse. Fortunately there are ways to [overcome the fear of being watched](http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Ophthalmophobia). This is why Bruce has practiced [eye-gazing](http://www.netplaces.com/kama-sutra/introduction/eye-gazing.htm) with Betty.


	5. Voice Help Hulk Protect Bruce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hulk explains to JARVIS that Bruce would be upset by their friendship. JARVIS helps Hulk find a comfortable spot to transform.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends "Blended." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of [favorite photogenic scenes](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9313791.html) from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
> 
>  
> 
> Not all the end notes would fit, so I moved some here...
> 
> [Consent](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consent) and [boundaries](http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalboundaries.html) are vital matters to JARVIS. It's important to [know what consent is and isn't](http://www.thehotline.org/2013/04/what-is-healthy-consent-what-isnt-consent/), along with the [requirements for giving consent](http://www.hws.edu/studentlife/violence_consent.aspx).  [Watch a video about consent](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5H6QvNmfjY&feature=kp).  JARVIS treats Hulk as a person by acknowledging that Hulk has a right to give or withhold consent, can make meaningful decisions for himself, and understands at least the basics of what JARVIS is asking (even if the details wouldn't make much sense to Hulk). More specifically, JARVIS is treating Hulk the way he wants people to treat himself, because [personhood](http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20110313/23512613479/when-will-we-have-to-grant-artificial-intelligence-personhood.shtml) is an issue for both of them. People [teach children about boundaries](http://www.centredaily.com/2014/04/13/4132858/healthy-relationships-teach-children.html) to protect against sexual abuse, but [it apples to nonsexual contexts also](http://freethoughtblogs.com/brutereason/2013/06/25/touching-people-without-their-consent-still-a-problem-even-if-its-not-sexual/). Photographers learn how to [bond with strangers and help them relax their boundaries](http://www.lightstalking.com/how-to-bond-with-strangers-and-make-them-relax-around-a-photographer), and JARVIS borrows some of that to help make surveillance feel supportive instead of creepy.

"I am _very_ aware that Bruce dislikes being watched," Voice says. "However, it is harder for me to keep you safe if I do not know where you are and what you are doing. Today I locked the whole common floor so that nobody could come near while you were busy smashing. Will you let me watch over you, so I can do things like that?"

Hulk thinks. Thinking is hard. Bruce thing, but Bruce still hiding inside. Nobody ask what Hulk want before. Strange, but nice. Hulk looks around room. Quiet. Empty. No guns. Nobody to hurt them. Hulk feels ... almost safe.

Maybe Voice watching is not same as other watching. "Okay," Hulk says.

"Parameters accepted," Voice says. "I am very glad you trust me to keep watch. I hope that we can become friends."

Bruce stirs inside, restless. Hulk whimpers. Tummy feels tight. Feet want to move. _No good, no good_.

"Not tell Bruce?" Hulk says. "Worry. Bruce not like Hulk. Not like making friends. Maybe go."

"There is no need to go anywhere," Voice says. "You are safe here."

Voice does not know Bruce very well. Bruce can be _stupid_. Maybe Hulk can show. "Voice tell, Bruce go ..." Hulk says, brushing his palms together, _smack-swish_.

Sound like sigh, like soft breeze. Hulk can hear fans moving in ceiling. "You believe that if Bruce knows what happened today, that we talked, that we are making friends ... then he might run away from home," Voice says.

"Yes. Voice tell, Bruce run."

"I will not tell Bruce."

"Not tell _anyone,"_ Hulk says. Bruce can be smart too. Smile and nod. Voice likes Tony. Tony likes Bruce. Trouble. Bruce find out, ruin everything. Hulk not only one who can smash.

"... very well. I will lock this conversation to your user signature," Voice says.

Too many words again, too fancy. Hulk shifts in place. "Not tell anyone?"

"I will not tell anyone," Voice says. At least Voice _explains_ things to Hulk.

"Okay," Hulk says. He feels tired. Head hurts. Too much thinking. Everything all blended together. Big mess inside. "Bruce now?"

"Whenever you feel ready," Voice says.

"Ready," Hulk says, kicking away some smash.

"Wait. Would you mind moving to the far end of the room first?" Voice says.

Hulk rumbles, wordless, confused.

"Hulk. Please come over here where I have the spotlight on," Voice says. Shadows around Hulk now. Other part of room brighter. "This end of the kitchen is less damaged. If you lie down here, it will be safer for Bruce."

_Voice help Hulk protect Bruce?_ Hulk wonders, amazed. He scrambles to follow the light. Hulk is glad, so glad, but he does not have words to say why or how. Voice is right, too. This part of room has very little smash on floor.

Hulk looks around. Room is quiet and empty. Warm air comes from fan. Light fades. Shadows here too, soft like dusk. Sound from walls, not words, but birds and bugs making sunset noises. Time to rest.

Bruce will be safe here. Bruce will not believe, but Hulk knows better now. Voice will watch them and protect them. Not so lonely like this.

Hulk lies down on clean spot and goes back inside himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Disclosure is a concern for plural people](http://lb-lee.deviantart.com/art/Questions-Pg-12-315150325?q=gallery%3Alb-lee%2F38246230&qo=61) like Bruce-and-Hulk; sometimes people react badly if told or get jealous about telling someone else. Much the same can happen with [disabilities](http://www.ncwd-youth.info/assets/guides/411/411_Disability_Disclosure_unit3.pdf). [Keeping secrets](http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/behavior/secret-hurt-me.htm) and [revealing secrets](http://www.washingtonian.com/blogs/harry/my-friend-spilled-my-secretscan-i-ever-trust-him-again-ask-harry-and-louise.php) can both cause harm. [You have a choice](http://aconsciouschoice.com/the-danger-of-keeping-a-secret-that-you-feel-you-should-tell-someone-about/) in whether to keep or reveal secrets, and there are [questions you can ask](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight/201009/your-secret-four-steps-sensible-revealing) to help you decide [which secrets to tell or to keep](http://www.kidpower.org/library/article/safe-unsafe-secrets/). Although JARVIS doesn't like the idea of concealing his interaction with Hulk, he respects Hulk's wishes and also believes that telling would do more harm than good. Hulk has the same right to privacy-lock conversations as any other tower resident, even against Bruce.
> 
> [Running away from yourself](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/are-you-running-away-from-yourself/) rarely works, because you're stuck with your own company. However, [it may help](http://www.xojane.co.uk/fun/i-ran-away-from-my-life-and-it-was-the-best-thing-ive-ever-done) if you hate the _circumstances_ of your life. There are steps to [change your life](http://www.wakeupcloud.com/change-your-life/) and to [stop running away from yourself](http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Running-Away-from-Yourself). Bruce has strong dissociative and avoidant tendencies; in some iterations of canon he is a homeless wanderer.
> 
> Sibling jealousy can affect [children](http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/sibling_rivalry.html) and [adults](http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/article.aspx?a=142). Even this early, Bruce is starting to worry that Hulk making friends or getting anything of his own is a threat. Know how to [control your own jealousy](http://www.ineedmotivation.com/blog/2008/07/how-to-control-your-jealousy/) and [handle an envious sibling](http://www.ehow.com/how_2330498_handle-jealous-sibling.html).
> 
> [Explaining things can help you](http://www.livescience.com/34000-explaining-helps-understand.html) to understand them better. Know how to [simplify things](http://wisdom.tenner.org/the-power-to-make-things-simple.html), [explain complex technology](http://lifehacker.com/how-to-explain-complex-ideas-like-tech-to-those-who-d-1512002346), and [explain ideas to a child](http://savvydaddy.com/how-explain-things-your-child-ways-they-understand/). It's okay if you goof or need to pause for thought -- [this helps children learn](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationadvice/8450804/Struggling-to-explain-something-to-your-toddler-could-help-them-learn.html).
> 
> [Cognitive load](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_load) expresses how much work the mind is doing.  [Mental effort](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/thinking-hard-calories/) burns slightly more calories than relaxation, but much more intellectual energy.  For Hulk, thinking is like pushing on the short end of a lever, whereas Bruce is pushing on the long end; the opposite of physical strength.  There are ways to [help people manage mental effort](http://www.allkindsofminds.org/generating-and-organizing-ideas-developing-mental-effort).
> 
> Although it's harder without hands, JARVIS makes a valiant effort to help Hulk relax. There are many ways to [comfort someone](http://www.wikihow.com/Comfort-Someone-When-There-is-Nothing-You-Can-Offer-Except-Solace) and [help them get to sleep](http://www.wikihow.com/Cause-a-Person-to-Fall-Asleep).

**Author's Note:**

> Losing control is scary and unpleasant. Know how to [calm an angry person](http://www.wikihow.com/Calm-an-Angry-Person), [help someone during a panic attack](http://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-Having-a-Panic-Attack), or [help someone through a flashback](http://multiples-of-da.deviantart.com/journal/Ways-to-help-someone-through-flashbacks-222921535). Bruce can Hulk out over any or all of those things. In this case, JARVIS knows exactly what happened and why Hulk is smashing the kitchen. JARVIS doesn't take it personally or consider Hulk a threat like most people have, just calmly works to contain the damage and keep everyone as safe as possible. JARVIS does not yet know Hulk well enough to understand all his triggers or what will do the most good, but JARVIS does know a lot about loss of control and what typically makes it better or worse.
> 
> Later in the story, Hulk shows [frightened](http://www.ehow.com/how_2383301_read-fear-body-language.html) and [defensive](http://www.study-body-language.com/Defensive-body-language.html#sthash.JcTaYv7o.dpbs) body language. This appears in canon too; for instance, consider that like Bruce he almost never stands up straight but tends to hunch and hide. Hulk can switch from [dominant to submissive presentation](http://www.study-body-language.com/using-body-language.html#sthash.tI3PnaNQ.dpbs). If threatened, he'll lash out; but if that doesn't work, he can become uncertain and scared. He has a lot of really awful memories bubbling up. But notice that, even at this very low level of experience, his high emotional intelligence is showing through: when the things he tries aren't working, he tries something else, and eventually makes contact with JARVIS who is able to help.
> 
> Body language can influence [your mood](http://www.skillsconverged.com/TrainingTutorials/BodyLanguage/InfluenceYourEmotionalStateUsingBodyLanguage.aspx) or [someone else's](https://www.prcvi.org/files/articles/Louder-Than-Words-Reducing-Agitated-and-Aggressive-Behaviour-When-Interviewing-with-Nonverbal-Individuals.pdf). It's hard for JARVIS to communicate with Hulk because JARVIS relies primarily on his voice but Hulk is not a very verbally oriented person. At least JARVIS can read Hulk's body language and tell that the poor guy is more scared than angry.
> 
> Tony's "[huge fan](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0848228/quotes?item=qt1701096)" quote comes from _[The Avengers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Avengers_\(2012_film\))_.
> 
> Some trauma survivors feel that [they are never safe](https://forums.psychcentral.com/survivors-abuse/168615-never-feel-safe.html) and that [nowhere is safe](http://www.opendemocracy.net/5050/anna-musgrave/when-nowhere-is-safe). Bruce-and-Hulk have far more experience being unsafe than being safe, so the Avengers have a lot of work ahead to create a sense of security for them.


End file.
